The Ring

About once a year (sometimes more if there's not much going on) I suddenly believe I can watch scary movies. I wake up in the morning and say to myself, "I can watch a scary movie!" From this realization, I go about my day wanting more and more to watch a scary movie. I'll remember what happened last time I watched a scary movie (Jennifer was in my bathroom/hallway/living room/closet, Jigsaw was in my bathroom/hallway/living room/closet, the weird non-renewable resource monster from Fern Gully was in my bathroom/hallway/living room/closet) and shrug it off. I'll say to myself, "Megan, you are 20 years old. You can watch a scary movie. Right now, you know without even checking, there is nothing in your bathroom, closet, hallway, or living room." I go to the store.

I'm filled with glee at the prospect of being a fully grown, actualized human, who can make some Jiffy Pop, sit on the couch, and watch a scary movie. And then go to bed without peeing my pants every time there's a small noise. I rent the movie and return home, excited to tell people about the time that I watched a scary movie by myself and not have to mention in the next sentence that I've finally bought plastic sheets.

I then watch the movie. I'm scared, but I'm proud of myself for watching it. I may be curled up into a ball sobbing with terror half-way through, but I am watching that movie. Nothing can stop my fully actualized self from watching The Ring and thinking I can actually get through it. I will get through it. And I will go to bed with the lights off when I'm done.

Before the climax I'll usually jump up and turn the lights on, spilling what's left of my Jiffy Pop all over the floor. When the movie is over I have an hour of pure, unadulterated terror sitting on my chest, giving my heart attacks and embolisms. I try to watch something else to take my mind off of what I've just seen, but as soon as Sex and the City or Friends or Everybody Loves Raymond has a commercial break, I'm back in my terror spree, noticing things I've never noticed before. Like the gurgling in my drains when the neighbor uses their sink, or the popping sounds bugs make when they fly against my window.

I'll take a shower, and go to bed with the lamp on, but for the next two weeks all my daily activities are disproportionately scary.